A Pragmatic Perspective of Lurve

Some people never find love, others don’t want it but for most it is a thing to be sought after and worked on. A friend posted this quote on Facebook;

“So don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose. If you’re given the choice then I’m begging you please to walk away, walk away”.

It made me sit up. Maybe they like the source of the quote but I found the sentiment so wrong that I felt compelled to respond.

Human beings are social animals. This means that we are stronger and more successful when we work together. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. A loving relationship between two people is the most powerful, most beneficial society we can have. A functional, loving relationship makes us stronger than we can ever be alone.

The reasons are many but let’s name a few. Being in a loving relationship raises your average level of happiness which makes you more immune to the inevitable bad times. And, when those lows do hit, you can support each other through them. There is no better panacea for hard times than the support of a loving partner.

A loving relationship is a common gateway to having a family, regardless of your persuasion. Okay, so not everyone wants kids. Even so, that’s a whole world of benefits, too long to go into here and too big to be left out.

So what’s to lose? A lot, as the quote suggests. Nothing comes for free and something as profound and beneficial as love comes at a high price. The risk of love not being returned is a big risk but another successful strategy for life is risk taking. The only way you get to live life large is to take a few risks. Another risk is the loss of love after having found it. To that, I’ll simply quote Tennyson;

“Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”

The risk of pain is not the only price to pay. A loving relationship requires work. It’s more than just chemistry. You need to let go of a part of yourself and give it to the relationship to make it work. By this I mean you need to give at least as much consideration to what your partner needs as to what you do.

You need to be prepared to suffer blows from your partner, (emotional, not physical) to be able to work through the relationship’s difficulties. Being in a relationship is hard work and sometimes you will feel battered by it; but if you can find it, it will make you happier and stronger than ever before.

It’s a question of what kind of life do you want to live. If you want to play it safe, take it easy and avoid getting hurt, be prepared to check everything carefully and constantly look over your shoulder. If you’re prepared to do some hard work and take a few knocks then your life can be sublime and easier than you think.

One last quote. I don’t know where it came from but my darling wife shared it on her Facebook status:

“Life’s journey is not to arrive safely in the grave in a well-preserved body but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘holy sh*t, what a ride’ “

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  1. True sentiment, Pete … Tennyson was right, Riches was right and you’re other friend is hurt but will probably change his/her mind in time … and a quote I used in my wedding which comes from a song ….

    “It’s not always rainbows and butterflies, but compromise that moves us along”

    Can’t remember the rest of the song, but this is what I believe makes a relationship strong, as you say, being considerate of your partner’s needs ….

    I like the writing too. Easy and straight … allows the strength of the feelings to come out.

  2. It think it’s partly a generational thing, too. I don’t want to go on like an old lady about the “younger generation”, but I think they are expecting a lot of things from their relationships that reflect their interactions with their “toys”.

    Things like, instant gratification, immediate upgrades that iron out all the annoying niggles, service in which the customer is never wrong, etc. Waiting and saving for things, making compromises, forgiving imperfection, and learning to go from lust/romantic love to the love that lasts are hard if this mindset is all about “I want perfection and I want it now and I want it to last forever!”.

    1. Hey Louise; I agree. I suspect many people have unrealistic expectations of a relationship and aren’t willing to work hard enough to make it what it can be. However, I’m not sure if this attitude is limited to the younger generation.

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